I have three children. Three different women helped bring them into this world and chose, every day after that, to show up for them in ways that I am still learning to fully appreciate. This is not a post about romantic relationships or how things ended or did not end. This is a post about motherhood. About three women who each taught me something about what it means to love a child fully and without conditions. And about how watching them made me a better father, whether they knew they were teaching me or not.
Nicola. The Woman Who Loved Without Limits.
Nicola is the mother of my daughter Amelia. And the thing I admire most about her is something that goes far beyond what she did for Amelia. It is the way she loves, period.
Nicola has never drawn a circle around who deserves her care. Her little cousins, her friends' children, anyone who came within her orbit received the same warmth that she gave her own. That was just how she was built. Love was not something she rationed.
And when Jahiem came into the picture, conceived while Nicola and I were still together, she did not hesitate. She opened her home to him. She extended the same love to him that she gave to Amelia. No performance. No resentment. Just a woman doing what her character always did, loving without limit, loving without conditions.
That kind of grace is rare. I have never taken it for granted. And it taught me something I carry into my own fatherhood: the children did not choose the complications of the adults around them. They just need to be loved. Nicola knew that instinctively. She showed me what it looked like in practice.
Kimesha. The Woman Who Invested in the Future.
Kimesha is Jahiem's mother. And from the beginning, she was clear about what she wanted for her son: the best education available, full stop.
Jahiem went to the best schools. He stayed on the honour roll throughout his schooling years. That did not happen by accident. It happened because Kimesha made it non-negotiable. She understood early that the most powerful thing a parent can give a child is not comfort in the present but capability for the future. She invested in Jahiem's mind the way some parents invest in shoes and gadgets, with purpose and with permanence.
Watching that taught me to examine my own priorities as a father. What are you actually investing in? Not what you say you value but what you spend your time, your energy, and your resources on. Kimesha never wavered on that question for Jahiem. And the evidence of her investment walks in that young man today.
Phonia. The Woman Who Makes It Look Easy.
Phonia is Avi's mother. And what I want to say about her is simple: she makes being a father easy. That sounds like a small thing until you understand how rare it is.
We have a balance that works because she built it. Phonia takes Avi's academics. She has the patience to sit with Avi and wait as long as it takes for her to get something right. That patience is not something I have in the same measure. I am the disciplinarian. That is my lane. Phonia understood that dividing those roles clearly, without ego, without competition, was better for Avi than either of us trying to do everything.
She supports my decisions even when she disagrees with them. Especially around discipline. She does not undermine me in front of Avi or quietly reverse what I have decided. She may pull me aside later and tell me what she thinks. But in the moment, she holds the line with me. That kind of partnership in parenting is not common. It is built. And she built it.
Phonia is soft where I am firm. She is emotional where I am measured. She does not like to see Avi sad, even when the sadness is a necessary consequence of a lesson. And that softness is not a weakness. It is the other half of what Avi needs. Every time Phonia wraps Avi up after I have been the hard wall, she is completing the circle. That balance is Avi's whole world. And Phonia holds half of it every single day.
What These Three Women Taught Me
A man does not become a good father alone. He becomes one in relationship with the mothers around him, if he is paying attention.
I was paying attention.
Nicola taught me that love does not need a reason or a boundary. Kimesha taught me that investing in a child's future is an act of love that outlasts any gift. Phonia taught me that partnership in parenting, real partnership built on mutual respect and divided strength, is the foundation that a child gets to stand on.
This Mother's Day I want to say what does not get said enough: the mothers of our children are not our adversaries or our afterthoughts. They are co-architects of the human beings we are raising together. The least we can do is see them clearly. Honor what they carry. And say, out loud and without qualification, that we could not do this without them.
Thank you, Nicola. Thank you, Kimesha. Thank you, Phonia. You made me better at the most important job I have ever had.
"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
Theodore Hesburgh