There is a particular weight that settles in a father's chest when he looks at the numbers and they do not quite reach where they need to go. It is not shame exactly. It is the gap between what you want to give and what you currently have to give, and the determination to close that gap by any means that keeps you honest. I have lived in that gap. I have learned to navigate it without letting it crush me.
The System We Built
When Amelia and Jahiem were in high school and then university, the arrangement was practical and clear. I handle the heavy lifting on tuition. Their mothers handle the daily and the small. It was not a formal contract. It was a mutual understanding between people who both wanted the same thing for their children and were willing to divide the weight.
Tuition does not negotiate. It does not care that your pay cycle is off, that a client paid late, that an unexpected expense landed the week the bill was due. It is due when it is due. So you build systems. You set aside before you spend. You plan for the non-negotiables first and let everything else find its place around them.
Now that both Amelia and Jahiem are working, that structure has softened into something more personal. Birthdays. A transfer because you heard something in someone's voice during a call and you wanted them to know you noticed. Just because money, which is its own language, a way of saying I am thinking about you and I want your life to be a little easier today.
The Thought That Changed Everything
There was a moment that shifted everything for me. I sat with myself one night and let a question surface that I had been avoiding. If I die today, what do my children inherit? Not in the sentimental sense. Practically. Is there a policy? A will? An asset? Anything that says I was here, I thought about tomorrow, I built something for you?
The answer was no. And that answer was not acceptable.
So I started building. Not all at once because that is not how it works. One piece at a time. Life insurance. A will that says what happens and to whom. Renovating the house back home in Jamaica, which is both an investment and a declaration. A physical thing in the world that says my family existed here, that someone cared enough to build and maintain something that outlasts a single life.
What I Want Them to Know About Money
I talk to my kids about money differently than I was talked to. Without shame. Without the religious weight that made money feel like something dirty to want. With the clarity that money is a tool and tools need to be understood, respected, and used with intention.
Jahiem has a degree in Financial and Business Economics. Our conversations about money are different now, two adults comparing notes, learning from each other. That feels like one of the unexpected gifts of doing the work. Not just that I learned, but that the learning created a bridge.
Provide now. Build for later. Leave something behind that speaks for you when you are no longer there to speak for yourself. That is the financial philosophy I am living and passing on.
"A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children."
Proverbs 13:22